Lifestyle: Annie Fay Blog

The Sky

11/26/2017

WHAT AM I

WHAT WAS I

WHAT CAN I BE

Yuso Choi

Do you ever feel like the sky is transforming into hues of pink and gold just for you? Or like the ominous grey clouds are heavy with rain just because you’re already melancholy inside? Sometimes I feel as though I’m the only one noticing these things. Every time I’m driving at sunset or sunrise I am captivated by the ever-changing sky and take every opportunity at red lights and stop signs to take in the majestic blue hues, white clouds, and beams of yellow and golden light that cascade all around. I often notice too how absorbed everyone else seems to be in their own little bubble. Eyes set forward, faces expressionless, and I sit there marveling at the world.

I’ve been reading “The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo and thinking about the philosophy behind comparison. In my printmaking class we were talking about being comfortable on focusing on what you are doing rather than comparing your work to somebody else’s. I often think of the classic example that marigolds and roses don’t look at each other and wish they looked like the other, they’re both beautiful in their own right. Nepo writes that “a flower in its excellence does not yearn to be a fish, and a fish in its unmanaged elegance does not long to be a tiger” and essentially we should desire nothing beyond wanting to exist exactly as we are.

The sky paints pictures more beautiful than I ever could. Yet I don’t find that discouraging. What the sky can create is different than what I can create. We have different tools and powers. So there’s never really any reason to compare yourself with anything or anyone but yourself because only you are capable of your own vision and creativity.

© Annie Fay Meitchik. All Rights Reserved. All content on anniefay.com is my own or credit is given when applicable, please do not use any of my images before contacting me above or @ anniefaymeitchik@gmail.com.

Comments

Solidarity and Singularity

11/19/2017

Comments

Aphelion. It’s a word for the point in orbit when a planet, a comet, or an asteroid is furthest from the sun. I did a collage series called “Cosmic Wonders” a few months back and used the word “Aphelion” as the title of one of my pieces. At the time, aphelion meant to me simply what it does scientifically. But -- upon reflection this past week, I came to the realization that the word has a much broader and more applicable definition to me philosophically.

If I am like a planet, a comet, an asteroid; than my sun is my personal goals, dreams, and future. Right now I feel like I’m nearing that furthest point in my orbit. As I approach I sense the coolness in the distance between who I am presently and who I want to be.

“There are 7 billion people on this planet who I have not met, and 195 countries I have not visited. Yet I am stuck in this insignificant town, Being pressured into making decisions about my future, When I barely even know who I am.”

The “Cosmic Wonders” series was about escaping reality by creating new ones. At the time that I was inspired to create those collages I was living in a dream state. I was living dynamically, fully immersed in the world of art, and drawing closer to the sun literally and figuratively as summer approached. This series was inspired by the magical reality I created for myself. On the flipside of that, I currently feel more inclined to escape than to create.

I feel this immense pressure to make choices that will impact my future. It all comes from within. But in a sense I want to remain unchained, free from the world of obligations and responsibilities for as long as possible. While I’m young and ambitious I crave the freedom to explore this world and meet people who might introduce me to unknown, untapped, aspects of myself.

“Longing, we say, because desire is full of endless distances” ((Robert Hass)).

There are moments where I feel fulfilled. Other moments I don’t. I think about opportunities I’ve had, and all the times connections have faltered. I feel stuck. Each day I take steps forward, but each morning I wake up in the same bedroom, in the same town, in the same state of mind.

“She had blue skin, And so did he, He kept it hid, And so did she. They searched for blue Their whole life through, Then passed right by -- And never knew” ((Masks, Shel Silverstein)).

I went on a hike at Elfin Forest this week. As I was headed up the trail, a young guy was headed down. We passed by one another, exchanging nothing but a subtle glance. But a few feet later we looked back at each other in the same instant. Embarrassed -- I assume we must have mirrored one another and continued on in our paths, smiling at the thought: what if??

There’s a strange beauty to things left unsaid. Things left unfinished. An old art project, half a book, even a friendship. Something put on pause simply to play again when the timing allows. I think about missed connections, the love we don’t feel, the longing glances we too often miss. And I feel lonely simply because I’m alone.

“We treat desire as a problem to be solved, address what desire is for and focus on something and how to acquire it rather than on the nature and the sensation of desire, though often it is the distance between us and the object of desire that fills the space in between with the blue of longing” ((Rebecca Solnit)).

In the excerpt above from “The Blue of Distance” by Rebecca Solnit she explains how we treat our wants as problems. The prospect of fulfilling some aspect of our life overpowers the nature of the desire itself. Meaning, simply, we focus on the future rather than the present. Thinking about our future helps to propel us towards them, but it fills the space in between “now” and “then” with a sense of longing. It’s a void.

We always continue to want more. So rather than treating desire as something to solve and acquire we must first address what we already have and what we have the power to achieve each day. Thinking long term is quite limited. You have to trust your own process even if you don’t have the slightest clue where you’re headed. You have to be open to the unknown: possibilities, opportunities, experiences, people. You have to leave room for yourself: to grow and change and adapt your course of action frequently.

Solnit goes on to discuss the complexities of feelings and their equal and opposite counterparts. Sorrow and beauty exist simultaneously and because of one another. Happiness and sadness have a symbiotic relationship. With maturity comes the acceptance and appreciation of this reality. What I’ve been considering is the balance between singularity and multiplicity.

From a young age we are expected to declare a best friend...even looking to our parents we are exposed to the concept of monogamy. Yet...the idea of solidarity is discouraged, but it’s a contradiction because loneliness is sort of encouraged by fostering a sense that we must limit our connections by pursuing 1 best friend, 1 significant other, 1 passion, 1 career; when, in actuality, we should pursue many paths. Why limit ourselves?? Why not be open to accepting as much love as possible??

“Some things we have only as long as they remain lost, some things are not lost only so long as they are distant” ((Rebecca Solnit)).

Like conversations with young trailblazers that never came to fruition, or hopes to move to a far off remote area in Bali to live a tree house, some things exist purely as perceptions lost and distant and disconnected from the tangible framework of our individual existences.

Comments

Feeling Like The Sun

11/12/2017

Comments

I had the most beautiful weekend full of friends, art, philosophical chats, and Thai food...yet this past Monday I found myself in a funk. I began my day feeling like I had swallowed a rain cloud. The weather, or moreso the decrease in daylight hours set in, and being a solar-powered sort of human being, I felt incredibly unmotivated and uninspired. That darkness on Monday felt like something that would loom within me until Spring. Thankfully, I was wrong, and this week transformed itself into a lesson...reminding me that: it is important to surround yourself with people who feed your creative energy, nothing blooms year round and you cannot expect yourself to either, and genuine human connection is phenomenal.

“In your life, you must do what fulfills you. What lights your inner fire. What makes your heart shine. You must. For like a fish swimming out of water, or a penguin living in the tropics, things will not feel right; Simply because there are greater things out there for you” - Nicole Addison.

Last week I spent way more time than typical with my friends, but, by the end of the week I felt empty rather than energized. I was trying to grasp why the quality time with people I love wasn’t fulfilling me in the way it normally would. I came to the realization that I have different kinds of friendships in my life, and not all of them serve the same purpose.

My friend Emerson and I were talking the other day about a new project we are starting where we come up with creative writing prompts to work on each week and mail to each other. We both want to focus more on our writing and know this would be a great way to motivate one another while sharing our art. This sort of friendship, one built on a basis of supporting one another’s passions and helping each other to grow and succeed creatively is what all friendships have the potential to be. Surrounding yourself with as many people who vibrate on the same wavelength as you is the best way to feel inspired and reenergized.

I finally realized that I had not been spending enough time with the right people, and in order to feel fully recharged I would need to reorient my week. I started my next morning by cleansing my soul in the Pacific sea, swimming through crystal clear water reminiscent of glass...the only sentient being for as far as I could see floating along and diving beneath waves that never seemed to crash. Salt water, sand, and sunshine have their own special way of making me feel more in touch with my ambitions.

The following morning I went to Lofty Coffee to catch up with my friend Nike. We wound up delving into a discussion about friendship, creative endeavors, frequencies, vibrations, and travel as we soaked up the purest sunlight for hours. The rest of my plans for the day fell into place like magic. From 5 hour facetime calls to spending the evening with 3 of my gal pals drinking milkshakes and laughing and talking about life...I felt fulfilled and full of love by the time I dozed off for the night. This week reminded me how extremely fortunate I am to be part of a network of girls who support and love one another. Not everyone in my circle is necessarily connected, but each individual girl friend in my life is just beautiful, kind, and creative in her own right.

A common discussion amongst me and many of those friends this past week has been focused on relationships. It is important to be aware of who you give your energy to and who is returning that positive energy. Notice which friends support you unconditionally, notice which people fuel your fire; because the truth is no relationship is as important as the relationship you have with yourself!! Anyone who isn’t adding to the love you feel for yourself, especially a person who is detracting from that love, is not someone you need around. Everyone is entitled to rid their life of toxic people. You can still love them, you can still support them, but it’s okay to come to the conclusion that there are people who are no longer raising your frequency.

“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant” - Alice Walker.

I’m in bloom during Spring and Summer and find the other half of the year that confusing in-between time that Walker discusses in the quote above. Understanding that nothing in nature blooms year-round and people cannot either is something I find particularly frustrating. It is challenging to feel as though everything in your life is stagnant, especially after a 6 month period of blooming. Growing is uncomfortable, being a seed seems frightening. You’re situated in dark soil and cannot see the sunlight. The blooming is the fun part...the part where you get to open your soul up to the sunshine and thrive. The beginning of fall is my wilting phase, but what I realized is that wilting is what allows me to become that seed yet again and figure out what steps I need to take so that I can bloom again in Spring.

“We pine for what we don’t have but don’t nourish what we already do” - Unknown.

I was feeling frustrated by the distance between where I am and where I want to be. I have lofty aspirations, but based on my experience I intuitively know that things fall into place when they’re meant to, not necessarily when you want them to. I was feeling this same sort of frustration this season last year and what I came to figure out is that right now I have EVERYTHING that I wanted and needed then. This put so many things into perspective for me. It took a year, but I got myself to the exact place I wanted to be last November...meaning that by next November I will propel myself into the life I’d like to be living now. I realized that whether I feel like it or not, I’m always in a state of adaptation and it’s important to enjoy each stage of my process, nourishing what I have. There will always be new desires, and those are the things that motivate us to change, but it is a beautiful feeling to appreciate the here and now for all it’s providing you with.

“There I was, way off my ambitions, getting deeper in love every minute” - F. Scott Fitzgerald.

You are your own universe. You should be the best person in your life. You’re the main character and everyone else is a guest. The impermanence is permanent. The only people you should allow into your world are people you feel happy around who feel happy around you. Be yourself everywhere with everyone but save your energy for the people who reflect your vibe. Reflect often. Remember that nothing in nature is constantly blooming. Be straight up about what you want. Succumb to accept your magic and collect wisdom from everywhere...realize that watching how plants sway in the wind or how ants work together can teach us infinite lessons. For the starry-eyed girl with her head in the clouds -- keep the swirls in your mind and the galaxies in your heart. You’re a human and soft as candle flicker with a soul begging to stay stoked.

A love as bright as sunshine...lust fiery like hell -- and an infatuation soft as yellow dusk.

Comments

<<Previous

The Sky

WHAT AM I

WHAT WAS I

WHAT CAN I BE

Solidarity and Singularity

“There are 7 billion people on this planet who I have not met, and 195 countries I have not visited. Yet I am stuck in this insignificant town, Being pressured into making decisions about my future, When I barely even know who I am.”

“Longing, we say, because desire is full of endless distances” ((Robert Hass)).

“She had blue skin, And so did he, He kept it hid, And so did she. They searched for blue Their whole life through, Then passed right by -- And never knew” ((Masks, Shel Silverstein)).

“Some things we have only as long as they remain lost, some things are not lost only so long as they are distant” ((Rebecca Solnit)).

Feeling Like The Sun

“In your life, you must do what fulfills you. What lights your inner fire. What makes your heart shine. You must. For like a fish swimming out of water, or a penguin living in the tropics, things will not feel right; Simply because there are greater things out there for you” - Nicole Addison.

“We pine for what we don’t have but don’t nourish what we already do” - Unknown.

“There I was, way off my ambitions, getting deeper in love every minute” - F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Archives

Categories

The Sky

WHAT AM I

WHAT WAS I

WHAT CAN I BE

Solidarity and Singularity

“There are 7 billion people on this planet who I have not met, and 195 countries I have not visited. Yet I am stuck in this insignificant town, Being pressured into making decisions about my future, When I barely even know who I am.”

“Longing, we say, because desire is full of endless distances” ((Robert Hass)).​

“She had blue skin, And so did he, He kept it hid, And so did she. They searched for blue Their whole life through, Then passed right by -- And never knew” ((Masks, Shel Silverstein)).​

“Some things we have only as long as they remain lost, some things are not lost only so long as they are distant” ((Rebecca Solnit)).

Feeling Like The Sun

“We pine for what we don’t have but don’t nourish what we already do” - Unknown. ​

“There I was, way off my ambitions, getting deeper in love every minute” - F. Scott Fitzgerald.​

Archives

Categories

“Longing, we say, because desire is full of endless distances” ((Robert Hass)).

“She had blue skin, And so did he, He kept it hid, And so did she. They searched for blue Their whole life through, Then passed right by -- And never knew” ((Masks, Shel Silverstein)).

“We pine for what we don’t have but don’t nourish what we already do” - Unknown.

“There I was, way off my ambitions, getting deeper in love every minute” - F. Scott Fitzgerald.