A Love Letter To The Sun

“I love borders. August is the border between summer and autumn; it is the most beautiful month I know. Twilight is the border between day and night, and the shore is the border between sea and land. The border is longing: when both have fallen in love but still haven't said anything. The border is to be on the way. It is the way that is the most important thing.” Tove Jansson
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August is fizzling away before my eyes. Cerulean skies are being replaced by feathery clouds, I’ve been replacing lemonade with earl grey tea, and the invigorating feeling of jumping into the sea before the sun has rose is no longer greater than the coziness of candlelit baths.

It has been a cinematic summer and I feel that now more than ever I have come into the character, the role, I’m meant to play. I could make a list of all the tangible experiences that have defined the last 3 months: hands becoming sticky with the nectar of a peach, walking barefoot under the light of the moon, watching Wes Anderson movies, lounging in bed beside the people I love, painting down at the creek, getting lost in thoughts, being consumed by lust...I could tell you about the happiness, the tranquility, the heartbreak, the longing, and the inspiration. I could write down each memory I have, but all it would amount to is a jumble of words. An impression of what once was.

Summer, like everything else, is ephemeral. Temporary, fleeting, and as the curtains close on this act it is time to say goodbye and express my gratitude for the people and adventures that have made me remember that summer is transient but sunshine is eternal.
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“The world forgetting by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.” Alexander Pope
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Cloud cover is something I find innately oppressive. I like the sound of rain, and I find it mesmerizing to watch the liquid drops swivel on windows and darken pavement. But, as a person, I thrive with the sun shining. I have found that some people are like sunshine. It can be an overcast day where mist travels down from mountain tops to kiss roads and fog fills my mind, but if I surround myself with people brighter than the weather - I can feel a warmth reminiscent of the sun.

People like that are rare, and I am fortunate enough to have a handful of sunshine-friends in my life. I used to have a particular dislike for sleep overs. I always found the greatest comfort in my own bed and I think that idea transcended into other areas of my life. I liked to stand on my own, I found all the happiness I needed from within. But this summer, through surrounding myself with people that vibrated on the same frequency as me, I learned that it is more than okay to seek and accept that sort of love from others outside of myself.

I have broadened my definition of what home is. Home is not limited to the 4 walls and the roof I grew up beneath. I can create home anywhere so long as I can share it with the people I love. Home to me is in the ocean, home is in the arms of my friends, home is anywhere that I can be content in my own vulnerability. Home is the times I wake up not caring where I slept but being grateful for the people beside me, and home is in the moments where we laid in the grass beneath the stars realizing that we’re so small in comparison to the vastness of the galaxies beyond our own.

“Stay close to people who feel like sunlight.” Xan Oku ​

We are so insignificant in comparison to the universe, but that does not mean there is no significance in our lives. We impose these constructs on ourselves regarding time and age. We limit our experiences based on how many times we’ve revolved around the sun. I have come to the conclusion this summer that I unintentionally forced myself to grow up faster than I needed to. But I also realized it is never too late to experience the world the way you wish to experience it.

I began to explore in a way that was new to me, and I embraced my surroundings with child-like admiration and wonder. June, July, and August gave me permission to be amazed by the complexities of tide pools, to get lost in toy stores only to be found by my friends giggling, to film videos out in public adorned in ridiculous clothes with my best friend, to play harmonicas and kazoos at midnight by the ocean, to eat containers of ice cream for dinner, to sing along to music blasting, to climb trees, to take photos, to laugh endlessly, to create abundantly, to cry openly, to feel freely, and to speak honestly.
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“Feelings that come back are feelings that never left.” Frank Ocean

I’ve written this before, and I will write it again: “This is what life is made of. Sand, and salt, and stardust. This is what adventures are. Spontaneous, free spirited, and carefree.” This summer was defined by being present amongst people I could be absolutely authentic with. Whether I was doing something as simple as playing a game of chess, enjoying the feeling of cold air whooshing past me on a swing set, or thrift shopping I was so entirely there. It’s a wonderful feeling when you look around and cannot imagine wanting to be anywhere else. It’s a wonderful thing when you feel that way a lot.

“Every summer, like the roses, childhood returns.” Marty Rubin

This summer made me feel fulfilled. It made me feel alive. It reminded me what it means to be young. This summer was for trips to 7-11 just to buy cotton candy slurpees, this summer was for watching The Office everywhere, this summer was for night swims, this summer was for eating croissants, and this summer was for reading books. This summer was spent record shopping, this summer was spent making new friends, this summer was spent blossoming, and this summer spent for blooming. This summer I laid in sand, I floated in the water, I hiked trails, I drove my car, I dreamt in many places, and I found sanctuary in a bookstore. This summer was full of piano playing and picture painting. This summer was for discovering who I am and who I want to be. This summer was for falling in and out of love, and helping others to do the same. This summer was for learning to say how I feel and for feeling a lot. This summer was full of hello’s and goodbye’s, poetry, dancing when there wasn’t any music playing, and for learning how to be a human being.

I am endlessly grateful for the people in my circle who have made this summer beautiful.

So here's to love and love and love.
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