Lifestyle: Annie Fay Blog

Thoughts: January 2018

1/28/2018

I was considering priorities and how I do not have a specific thing, person, or place I am living for or value above all else. What I find most important is an intangible feeling of love that I follow and cling to wherever I can find it...in tubes of brightly saturated paint, in cerulean skies seen through a kaleidoscope of tree tops on the farm, in kisses under a sky full of stars against a denim blue beetle. Without moments like these--what is anyone really living for?? It is the little things like playing with golden retriever puppies, trying on wacky sunglasses in thrift stores, and finding music that fits your current mood perfectly. It is about old friends and new loves...and it is a constant desire and effort to learn, grow, and stay in a positive creative energy feed with good friends.

The past two weeks have been spent filling my soul with happiness and that intangible kind of love by going to Pannikin with Anniegrace, having brunch at the farm with Emerson, Lexie, and Garrett, eating tacos at the beach with Thomas, and talking on the phone with Alé. I have been busy capturing moments on film with Noelle and playing with Dexie’s puppy. I have watched Wes Anderson films and read books and created art. I have explored Elfin Forest and baked peanut butter chocolate pretzel cookies and watched the sun set above the lagoon.

And it is all of these little precious nothings that mean everything.

© Annie Fay Meitchik. All Rights Reserved. All content on anniefay.com is my own or credit is given when applicable, please do not use any of my images before contacting me above or @ anniefaymeitchik@gmail.com.

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Gold: A Ramble

1/14/2018

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When a riptide occurs and tosses you about in the sea, a lifeguard will often swim out to warn you, but other times you are left to fend for yourself. Fate can decide whether or not you drift under and away or back to the sanctuary of shore. Life can be similar to that too. Riding a constant and continuous current of ups and downs, highs and lows. When it comes to the ocean, getting dragged out to sea is physically tormenting, and in life the obstacles we face are often much more emotionally draining.

Softly draining seas.

Lately I’ve been floating in no particular direction. For the majority of the time I was 18...I was so distant from myself. I barely recognized myself in mirrors and in the refracted reflections of bus windows. There were fleeting moments of insane clarity...I can distinctly remember the rare instances that I saw my own soul shining, thinking “this is me at 18…” I have since stopped disassociating and I do see myself as myself again and I think “this is me at 19” as if I’m recording moments and stowing the sensation away to reflect on in the future.

“This is the season she will make beautiful things. Not perfect things but honest things that speak to who she is and who she knows she is meant to be” ((Morgan Harper Nichols)).

I think a lot about the kinds of love in my life...both who and what fulfills me and I ask myself: what are you looking for? Living without intention has been a beautiful gift to myself. I don’t know what I’m heading towards but I know what direction I’m headed in and I can change course...following my heart and soul wherever love lies. This past week my friend asked me how it is I’m not stressed about my future and it’s because simply, I have finally decided to relinquish my past and live lucidly in the present to the best of my ability.

I feel so fortunate to live with my best friend and for the conversations we share--for making up for all the many months of misplaced time. I feel so grateful to be surrounded by such incredibly motivating and inspiring friends who support me unconditionally on all of my endeavors as I aim to figure out what I want. I feel so content with the boy in my life and the effortless comfort between us. I’m a romantic. And for the first time the romanticizations I had about life aren’t as good as the reality...and that’s beautiful.

“Silver dreams bring me to you” ((Ceilings by Local Natives)).

I think I had a mixture of idealizations and misconceptions about love. I used to blur the type of love that I felt for places and things with the type of love I felt for people. I used to blend a gradient between platonic and romantic love...intellectual and physical intimacy...love, and lust, and infatuation. I’m learning now that it’s not all freshly brushed teeth and cologne and burning incense. But it is a lot of green tea and unintentionally coordinating outfits and polaroids and waking up in yesterday’s clothes. It’s stopping to not just smell the flowers but to consume them, it’s reading books out loud, and playing chess. It’s a lot of time spent laying in the sand and dipping our toes in the sea and watching the sunset and enjoying thai food and coming up with stories for the people we saw in the windows of the houses above the ocean and looking at clouds and stars. It’s lots of skin and sweat and vulnerability. It’s lots of good movies and cuddles and clementines.

I’ve been around real love many times. There’s a visual comfort people share. There’s love in suitcases of adventurers returning home. There’s love in handwritten birthday cards, voicemails just to say hello, and there is love in laughter. I’m full of gratitude for the love I’ve created in my life.

“Look how they shine for you” ((Yellow by Coldplay)).

This past week it rained. And for the first time in a long time I didn’t cry along with the clouds. In a situation I would normally feel sad, I looked into my friends eyes and felt abundant joy. I looked through the kaleidoscope of tree tops obscuring the sky and felt at peace. In thrift stores and grassy parks beneath a sky of stars and in the back of a truck full of chocolate and the soft plucking of “Stairway to Heaven” filling our ears I felt happiness. I felt sunlight. Even when I was running from the rain and trudging through mud in Doc Martens. Sunshine. Pure gold. Love.

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Thoughts: January 2018

Gold: A Ramble

Softly draining seas.

“This is the season she will make beautiful things. Not perfect things but honest things that speak to who she is and who she knows she is meant to be” ((Morgan Harper Nichols)).

“Silver dreams bring me to you” ((Ceilings by Local Natives)).

“Look how they shine for you” ((Yellow by Coldplay)).

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