My life has consistently changed in relation to the seasons. Having a friend almost exclusively for the deep stuff...feelings, conversations, and everything in between is imperative. In my life, that special gal is currently 8000 miles away. Thankfully that doesn’t stop us from talking and recently we fell into a deep hole considering how our lives are different than how we expected them to be.
During this call I came to the realization that winter, with its consumerist motives and oppressive weather is always the hardest time of year for me. I think that the feeling of nostalgia around the holidays for my childhood and the rain both trap me and make me feel incapable of making progress. In contrast, spring brings me a refreshed attitude, new opportunities magically present themselves, and the sun returns to nourish my soul...allowing me to grow with the flowers once again.
Annually this cycle occurs and with it come tides of emotions and new waves of characters. Learning to allow life to simply drift is huge. Remembering not to blame yourself during the lows is key. Life is comprised of ups and downs and nothing stays constant. Finding the beauty in the impermanence will allow you to free yourself of expectations of ‘forevers’ and appreciate what and who you have in the moment.
There are so many aspects to the drift: school, work, relationships...but I think the most relatable component is friendship. There are friends I've had my entire life and others who have lasted weeks...but I treat them all the same. In the film Waking Life that I find infinite lessons within, there is a scene about holy moments - mere instances in which you can perceive the sacred nature of a shared experience. Films, as the characters describe, have a way of presenting the viewer with the holy moment, cinematically framing it. However, in real-life while these times are easy to see in retrospect they are almost imperceivable as they occur.
This is in part because we imagine that there will be many more memories to come. After coming to terms with this ideology I taught myself to treat every shared experience with someone as a stand alone, one of a kind moment. This gave me the power to see how a casual coffee or powerful conversation might play a larger role in my life. I began to see myself and my friends as stars destined to cross paths and learn from one another. Viewing people in this way made me comfortable with the inevitable drift of life.
Stars fall out of orbit with one another and people do too; take the time to appreciate the holiness of the time spent in each other’s galaxy...because who knows the next time you will cross paths again.
It’s easy to feel hurt by the people who drift out of your life, but you have to keep in mind that you are also drifting. Everything is unstable which is scary but it makes life a hell of a lot more interesting. Imagine if the people in your life right now were the only people you’d know and love. There is a comforting stability in that, yes, but that idea lacks excitement...the thrill of new relationships would cease to exist and human connection would be limited.
On a small scale I find that it helps to just live your life and pay attention to the people who 1. You are drawn to or inspired by and 2. The people who seem drawn to or inspired by you. Those are the kinds of people you want to have in your life. If either of those 2 things change ((ie. that person you were inspired by is ignoring you, that boy who seemed cool is making you sad)) it’s time to keep drifting. And there is NOTHING wrong with that.
The more you connect with yourself, what drives you, what brings you fulfillment the more like-minded people you will connect with. Those will be the friendships that last. Allow yourself the freedom to drift free and don’t forget that everyone and everything else is drifting too. Go to the ocean to be reminded of how natural this process is, look up at the stars. The world has so much to teach us if we are willing to pay attention and learn.